A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
