you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
