I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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