remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
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I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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