Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
