I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
