I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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