I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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