Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize