Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
