She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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