I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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