God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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