i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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