Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
