I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
