I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
