Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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