btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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