Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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