we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
