He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
