No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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