If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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