yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
