go do what you do best...puke behind churches
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
