he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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