He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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