what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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