winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
