Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
