I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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