Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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