when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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