At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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