it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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