Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
