you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
