Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Boobs speak an international language.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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