is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
