the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
