one word: firstdatebathroomanal
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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