ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
