one two three fourrrrnication!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
