yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
