as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
