i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
