I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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