I wish my penis had an off switch
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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