all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
