i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
