I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
