If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
