Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
