The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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