i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
