May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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