so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
