The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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