just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
