since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
