I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
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I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
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I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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