i just had sex bonerless
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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