I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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