Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
