Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
