Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
