I'm jealous of your bromance
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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